This explains SO MUCH!

So, Sharon was watching the news the other day, and a story came on about a woman who, in her adult years, was diagnosed with ADHD. I was in the other room making a sandwich, but I could still hear the story. She described feelings of frustration and difficulty because for years she couldn't understand why she couldn't finish projects or concentrate on things she needed to or remember where she put things. And I thought "Hey, I can't finish projects! I can't concentrate on things! I can't remember where I put ANYTHING!" Then the newscaster stated that many adults with ADHD wind up in fast-paced careers often involving children, because the environment appeals to them. And I thought "Hey! I work well in a fast-paced, kid-centered environment!" I was intrigued.

I did some more research today, and found a lot of sites that talk about girls with ADHD. I know this sounds SO cliched, but when I was reading the symptoms that many girls display, I kept thinking "Hey! That's ME! I was a daydreamer when I was little! I had a hard time finishing projects and school work, even though I knew how to do it! It took me FOREVER to do homework! I have a hard time with time management!" And on and on. Girls with ADHD often go undiagnosed because they don't display the same hyperactivity that boys typically do. Many girls with ADHD are often the quiet daydreamers in the back of class. Hello?? That was me.

For years and years, I've been wondering and struggling with trying to figure out exactly what the hell was wrong with me. I couldn't figure out why I can't just MAKE myself do homework like everyone else does. I couldn't figure out why it took me so much longer to do things than it did for everyone else. My parents and I used to battle constantly about my organization and time management skills. I thought it was just because I was lazy. I thought I had awful self-discipline because I couldn't make myself do things the way they wanted me to. I couldn't figure out why it was so hard for me. In fact, many a time, I've thought "What is wrong with me? It's simple right? I should just be able to sit here and read/write/do this quickly and move on." But I couldn't do it. My mom would try to tell me that there was a place for everything, and if I just made a place for everything, and then put it back when I was finished, I would have no problem with organization. And it made sense to me. It makes sense to just put everything back in the same place all the time. But I just couldn't do it.

And now, it seems as if maybe I've figured out exactly what my problem is. Granted, this is just very very preliminary. I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD. I haven't gone to a doctor or psychiatrist yet. But, it makes TOTAL sense to me. It explains so many things that I've had trouble with in my life. It explains why, in college, all of the sudden, school became so hard for me. I'm lucky in that I'm smart enough that through middle school and high school, I never had to work very hard for my grades. But, once college started, complex assignments became really hard for me. I never knew where to start, or how to start, and no matter how much I knew I should get a head start on things, I never seemed to be able to start until the night before. It explains why, even though I'm 23 years old, my bedroom still looks like a complete disaster. It explains why I have absolutely no system for organization.

So, maybe I can finally figure out some ways to cope and become more functional. Who knows? This is all just speculation for now. Maybe I really am lazy and flighty and have poor self-discipline. But, man, it would be nice to have an answer to all those years of asking "What the hell is wrong with me??"