Let's end the charade!

Ok my fellow women, it is time to stop this insanity. It is time for us to end the years of discomfort and embarassment that we've all experienced, and it is time for all of us to come clean. So, in the name of all women, I'm going to be the first to admit it, in hopes of inspiring other women to liberate themselves as well. I admit it! I poop! And not dainty little rabbit turds either. I poop like a human being poops, and it's time for humankind to realize that ALL women poop.

There is a phenomenon that occurs in women's bathrooms, that I'm not sure men realize even exists. I've witnessed this phenomenon. I call it "the silent waiter." This is the woman who desperately needs to send the Browns to the Superbowl, but is so afraid of people finding out that she poops, that she'll sit and wait, silently, in the stall until no one else is in the public bathroom. I know that you other women know what I'm talking about. I'm sure that you've been a silent waiter at some point in your life. I know I have. But, let me ask: what's the point?? It's a bathroom! Isn't that what's supposed to be going on in there?? What's the hang-up?

We need to stop this myth of women being dainty and pretty little things who never do anything undignified. Women poop and fart damn it! And I'm not afraid to admit it! Well, actually I am. Just like every other women. In my friendships and relationships, the last barrier to be crossed is always the poop and fart barrier. I know I've got a friend for life once I can have the "poop talk" with him or her (Becky, Courtney, you guys know exactly what I'm talking about). I know that whatever romantic relationship I'm in is not just a short term thing once I don't have to run three rooms away whenever I have to fart. Do men go through this agony and discomfort about their bodily functions? I'm not sure they do.

So, my fellow pooping and farting women, lets end this cycle of embarassment and repression! Lets all just admit it! We poop! We fart! And it's ok!