I am in luuurrrvvvee.....  I forget sometimes.  Like if I'm sleeping.  Or........Umm... I guess that's really the only time that I forget.  But that's enough to count as sometimes.  And then I wake up, and the first thing I think about is "Hey there he is, all asleep and stuff.  I wish he would wake up so we can be in luurrrvvvee together.  Maybe if I stare at him long enough, he'll wake up."  So I stare.  For like 3 seconds.  And then I get bored and think "Maybe if I flop around like I'm sleeping, but need to adjust, he'll wake up" So I flop around for a while, and then peek back to see if he's awake.  But he's not.  So I get up and wander around and then get back in bed, thinking that maybe that kind of jostling will wake him up and then we can hang out and laugh at stupid shit and fart rainbows and unicorns.  Because that's what people do when they're in luurrvvee.  But he doesn't wake up then either.  And then, just when I'm about to fall back asleep, he wakes up.  And the rainbow/unicorn farts commence.  In all seriousness, somehow things just keep getting better.  I can't quite explain it.  I've been avoiding relationships for a long time because the work and the emotional toll was just too daunting.  The kind of maintenance that most relationships require is exhausting.  But I'm not feeling signs of fatigue at all in this relationship.  Its like a runners high, relationship style.  We keep talking about moving in together and I can't wait.  I know it's not going to be all sunshine and lollypops, but it's going to be pretty badass.  I don't laugh with anyone like I laugh with him.  It's easy to be with him.  He doesn't stress me out or make me feel anxious.  I never wonder what's happening in his head, because he always tells me what's happening.  I never feel like I'm second best, or like he feels like he's settling.  And I think about the most retarded stuff.  Like how beautiful our kids would be.  Or what our relationship will be like when we're old.  I know that its silly and premature to think about these things when we haven't made that kind of step yet, but I can't help it.  Because he's so wonderful and I wouldn't want anyone else but him to be in that position in my life.

So, I'm rather glad that no one reads this anymore, so that I can type without censoring myself.  Because I'm about to get sickeningly mushy.  I am so fucking in love, I can't even describe it.  It seems silly to me, because I know millions of people feel this way all the time every day, but I don't, and I didn't for a long long time.  For a long time, I felt like love was hard and tempestuous and tumultuous and scary and drama.  I was so so so wrong.  I have, literally, the most amazing man I've ever met in my life.  I've never felt like this about anyone before, and it's so great.  It's not scary and it's not dramatic and its not hard.  It feels...solid.  It feels healthy.  And he feels the same way.  We connect in a way that I'm not sure is common.  I feel so lucky to be with someone who complements my strengths and balances out my weaknesses so perfectly.  He is supportive in every way possible.  He's so patient and understanding and calm.  He thinks about things and is considerate of people and sees things in ways that not many people do.  We talked for a while, tonight, about our future.  Which excites the shit out of me.  I mean, I'm nervous.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm scared about all of this.  But its just commonplace nerves.  It's more exciting to know that he expects us to have a future together.  That he's willing to help me through grad school and law school.  That he sees us lasting.  It's only been seven months or so, but somehow, I don't need anymore than that to know what I want in my life.  I want him in my life.  We've bonded in a way that I don't see in many couples.  I know, I know.  Every couple thinks they're unique.  Every couple thinks that they share something that no one else has.  But, in most couples that I observe, I see some sort of imbalance.  Someone is more committed than the other.  Someone has more power than the other.  Something.  I don't feel that imbalance here.  In most of my other relationships there was definately an imbalance.  With him, I don't feel it.  We're balanced.  We fit.  We're going to have a beautiful future together I think.