Somehow, someone up there thinks I deserve good things.  I don't understand how this happened.  All of the sudden, I've got the job I've always dreamed of having.  I'm working for a company that cares about its employees and has a schedule that works for me, and does good, fulfilling work.  AND I have the most incredible relationship in my life.  How did this happen??  I kind of feel like pinching myself sometimes, because it's so hard for me to believe that I've gotten here.  That I'm in a place in my life where good things start happening.  Truly good things.  I grant that I've worked hard, and seen my fair share of disappointment and hard times, but part of me always kind of thought that that was just par for the course.  That I'd always struggle and have to make compromises.  Last year, at this time, I was fairly convinced that I'd be alone forever.  And I was working on making myself ok with that.  Part of me, of course, wasn't, but I did my damndest to be ok with it.  Had I been told, a year ago, that within two months, I'd have met a man that would make me feel happier than I've ever felt.  I'm not sure I'd have believed it.  But now, here I am.  Ridiculously, retardedly happy.  With someone who wants to make plans for the future with me.  With someone who cherishes me and what we have as much as I do.  Someone who will enjoy jumping in a gigantic puddle of mud and over a pit of fire as much as he enjoys attending a theater performance or a symphony event.  Someone who can talk intelligently about philsophy and history and current events and....everything.  Someone who isn't afraid to tell me how he feels about me, and ACT on it.  And, as if that wasn't enough, I've been hired on, at a fairly decent starting salary, at a company who does good things, and believes in good things.  I'll be able to continue my life pursuit to help hurt and neglected and abused children, by supporting foster families.  AND I'll be able to get paid for it.  AND get paid in a way that will allow me to survive comfortably.  What else can I ask for in my life??  I am surrounded with people who love me.  I get to do things I believe in and love.

Rainbow unicorn farts.  That's my life.  Seriously, honestly, lately, despite me being unemployed and super bummed about that, I feel like my life is all sunshine and rainbows and lollipops.  Last year, at this time, I couldn't have imagined it.  Last year at this time, I was miserable.  I wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn't find someone that I wanted to be with, who also wanted to be with me.  I wasn't willing to compromise what I wanted.  I wanted someone who would be available to me.  I know that sounds simple, but it wasn't such a simple task.  Some men I was with weren't able to commit to a relationship with me for one reason or another.  Some men I was with were emotionally unavailable.  Some men I was with felt like being available meant being around once a week, at best.  I didn't want that.  I wanted a committed relationship with someone who wanted the same things that I did.  A fulfilling, intellectually stimulating, committed relationship.  A family someday with kids.  But, last year at this time, I didn't see that on the horizon.  I remember having conversations with my friend Abbey about being ok with being alone forever.  I remember agonizing over what was wrong with me.  Hyperanalyzing every thing I did, thinking "Maybe this is it.  Maybe I'm alone because I'm too much of a tomboy."

Then along came Matt.  The weekend before I met Matt, I was house sitting for Abbey and her girlfriend while they took a vacation with their daughter to California.  I had an extra credit opportunity that I had to go to.  It was a screening of a movie on opening night of a film festival at UCCS.  I went.  Alone.  I didn't know a soul there, and everyone else was there with dates or groups of friends.  I drank a beer by myself, ate a falafel ball, watched the movie, and went home, depressed.  I had been exchanging emails with Matt on match.com for roughly a week.  That Sunday, he suggested we meet up to go get something to eat, and I agreed.  So, that Friday, we agreed to meet at a sushi restaurant, and "if we didn't hate each other" (his words), go to see Zombieland.

Our first date was....interesting.  He told fairly intimate details of his life.  I told how I got stabbed in the face.  He said he was sardonic in high school.  I said he was probably just mean.  I kept waiting for him to ask me questions, but sometimes we just sat silently.  We both laughed a lot during Zombieland.  I didn't even shake his hand when we agreed to call it a night.  But we planned for a second date.

And now, I find myself in the best relationship I've ever had.  The sardonic, quiet man from that first night turned out to be amazing.  Honest, funny, goofy, incredibly intelligent, loyal, well versed in many subjects, caring, involved, handsome, with integrity.  He LIKES having me around.  He wants me around.  He's committed to me and to us.  And, he thinks I'm something special.  Says I'm the best and most important thing in his life.  He's willing to help me reach my dreams.  I don't know what else I could ask for.  I'm the first girl he's ever brought home to meet his parents.  And now, after 9 months, it feels both like just the beginning and like he's been in my life forever.