This explains SO MUCH!

So, Sharon was watching the news the other day, and a story came on about a woman who, in her adult years, was diagnosed with ADHD. I was in the other room making a sandwich, but I could still hear the story. She described feelings of frustration and difficulty because for years she couldn't understand why she couldn't finish projects or concentrate on things she needed to or remember where she put things. And I thought "Hey, I can't finish projects! I can't concentrate on things! I can't remember where I put ANYTHING!" Then the newscaster stated that many adults with ADHD wind up in fast-paced careers often involving children, because the environment appeals to them. And I thought "Hey! I work well in a fast-paced, kid-centered environment!" I was intrigued.

I did some more research today, and found a lot of sites that talk about girls with ADHD. I know this sounds SO cliched, but when I was reading the symptoms that many girls display, I kept thinking "Hey! That's ME! I was a daydreamer when I was little! I had a hard time finishing projects and school work, even though I knew how to do it! It took me FOREVER to do homework! I have a hard time with time management!" And on and on. Girls with ADHD often go undiagnosed because they don't display the same hyperactivity that boys typically do. Many girls with ADHD are often the quiet daydreamers in the back of class. Hello?? That was me.

For years and years, I've been wondering and struggling with trying to figure out exactly what the hell was wrong with me. I couldn't figure out why I can't just MAKE myself do homework like everyone else does. I couldn't figure out why it took me so much longer to do things than it did for everyone else. My parents and I used to battle constantly about my organization and time management skills. I thought it was just because I was lazy. I thought I had awful self-discipline because I couldn't make myself do things the way they wanted me to. I couldn't figure out why it was so hard for me. In fact, many a time, I've thought "What is wrong with me? It's simple right? I should just be able to sit here and read/write/do this quickly and move on." But I couldn't do it. My mom would try to tell me that there was a place for everything, and if I just made a place for everything, and then put it back when I was finished, I would have no problem with organization. And it made sense to me. It makes sense to just put everything back in the same place all the time. But I just couldn't do it.

And now, it seems as if maybe I've figured out exactly what my problem is. Granted, this is just very very preliminary. I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD. I haven't gone to a doctor or psychiatrist yet. But, it makes TOTAL sense to me. It explains so many things that I've had trouble with in my life. It explains why, in college, all of the sudden, school became so hard for me. I'm lucky in that I'm smart enough that through middle school and high school, I never had to work very hard for my grades. But, once college started, complex assignments became really hard for me. I never knew where to start, or how to start, and no matter how much I knew I should get a head start on things, I never seemed to be able to start until the night before. It explains why, even though I'm 23 years old, my bedroom still looks like a complete disaster. It explains why I have absolutely no system for organization.

So, maybe I can finally figure out some ways to cope and become more functional. Who knows? This is all just speculation for now. Maybe I really am lazy and flighty and have poor self-discipline. But, man, it would be nice to have an answer to all those years of asking "What the hell is wrong with me??"

Blah.

It's gloomy and raining outside. I have to pay money for tuition (goodbye bank account). Sad things are happening in the world. What a depressing day.

I just read an article about a 14 year old boy who was killed in January at a boot-camp in Florida. 7 guards and a nurse were charged with his death. The guards "roughed him up" to the point where he died. I can't begin to describe the depth of my sadness about this. He very well could have been one of my boys at the Ark. How do 7 adults get off roughing up a kid to the point of death? I just can't conceive of such a thing. I read another article a while ago about a "treatment" center that was established by a real estate mogul turned evagelist. This place has been investigated several times by the government for cases of child abuse and molestation. A kid had his arm broken by a staff member who was twisting his arm behind his back because he refused to clean, or something like that. They employ convicted sex offenders at this place because the "evangelist" who started this place claims that Jesus wouldn't have turned anyone away, so why should he? I'm sorry, but what the fuck????? I'm pretty sure that Jesus had common sense and wouldn't put children in harms way by exposing them to sex offenders on a daily basis. The treatment of at-risk children by this culture sickens and saddens me. Can you even imagine the lives that they've had to lead, as children?? Not having any role models except for gang members, or abusive men, or battered women. At 8 years old being asked by adults to shoot a gun at someone else. Being used as a sick old man's sexual play thing. The horrors that these children have lived are inconceivable to most "normal" people. But they are treated as "bad" and "problem children" and "defiant." If I had a life like that, you'd better believe that I'd be angry, and I'd act out, and I'd push people away when they tried to be loving toward me. You'd better believe that I'd behave in any way necessary for me to preserve at least some vestige of sanity. But yet, we decide that what these children need is "a good beating." Or we treat them as criminals. As social pariahs. What they need, is a strong, stable adult to give them love and teach them that they don't have to behave as the adults who raised them did. They don't need to be beaten into submission.

Old news, but still good news!

So, I continue with my Barack Obama infatuation. The more I read about him, the more I think that he's the guy this country needs. He's honest. He's candid. He's uniting, rather than polarizing. He's somehow able to be a contradiction, but still be genuine. He's my guy. I just hope the hype about him isn't too much too soon.

The most recent piece of information that I've discovered about him, isn't so new, but it's new to me. Apparently in late October, when he was asked about his drug use as a teenager and young adult, he was frank and candid about the fact that he's tried pot and cocaine. http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/10/24/news/dems.php check it out. How refreshing is that! A politician who didn't try to spin his answer. He didn't try to hide it, or alter it at all. He didn't claim that he "didn't inhale." He gave us the honest-to-god truth, and expected us, as a nation, to be mature enough to handle it. THANK YOU BARACK OBAMA! I'm not sure how anyone in the opposing camps can spin this to look bad to the general population at all. He's proven to us as a nation that he's willing to be honest, even when the honest thing doesn't necessarily mean gumdrops and rainbows for his personal image. He's showing that he's relateable. Yes, he's made mistakes too, and look at how he's been able to grow from that.

I've spent a little time this morning reading about potential candidates for the 2008 election. Although we have a little less than two years before the elections, and at least a few more months before the campaign starts to heat up, its looking like this campaign season is going to be more interesting than anything we've seen in a while. Both Democrats and Republicans are putting up better candidates than this nation has seen in a while. Both parties seem to recognize the value of giving this nation a breath of fresh air from all the lying, pandering, and spinning that we've seen from the more recent elections. In the conservative camp, John McCain seems like he's the frontrunner for the Republican nomination. He caused a big stir in 2000, that burned out due to some unfortunate comments. He (like Obama) has been embraced by voters from both sides of the docket and his voting history has been consistent, with very little waffling.

Rudy Giuliani has also recently announced that he is taking the first steps to announcing a run for the presidency. Rudy's case is a very interesting one, since he considers himself a republican, but has historically supported some liberal causes, including supporting civil unions for same-sex partners, and voting against a ban on partial birth abortions. He has HUGE favor with much of the population, for the way he handled New York after the 9/11 attacks, and that could take him a long way with people who are highly interested in the "war on terrorism" (dont' get me started on how we could possibly declare war on an abstract concept. whatever). At the same time, the way he handled his personal life is questionable, declaring a separation from his second wife publicly before even telling her. He's not as strong a candidate as McCain, but again, his 9/11 hero status could carry him quite a ways.

You know my feelings on Barack Obama as a democratic candidate. He ROCKS my free world. A civil rights lawyer. A liberal who isn't afraid to use religious rhetoric (which, while not a major issue for me, will appeal greatly to the religious right). A candid and engaging personality. My only issue, thus far, with him is his stance on immigration. Now, I haven't made my mind up one way or the other about what to do with illegal aliens, but I have a feeling that his stance may be too liberal for many voters. (check out this site http://www.ontheissues.org/Barack_Obama.htm for info on what he supports, as well as finding links to the other candidates and what they support).

Hilary Clinton is, thus far, the other major frontrunner for the democratic nomination. Before Obama stated that he would consider a run, she was definately considered the democrats great hope. Polticially, she is very similar to Obama, supporting and opposing almost the exact same issues. As far as I've seen, the one defining difference between the two is her political experience. She has much more than Obama does. This could work to her favor or against her. Clinton is still a dirty word in many households for the way that Hillary's husband handled the Monica Lewinsky debacle, and Hillary has lost a lot of respect from people who think she should have kicked her cheating husband to the curb. I think there is a pervasive fear that another Clinton in office could bring back the same "immorality" to the presidency that was there while Bill was the head honcho. (Of course these people who are so concerned with Bill Clintons sexual exploits have no qualms about being lied to about the reasons that we're entrenched in this interminable war...hmm...hypocracy??..whatever. that's a whole other post). At the same time, her experience could give her an edge over Obama, who is relatively new to the national political landscape.

My early early early predictions for the 2008 race: McCain versus Clinton. As much as I LOVE Obama, I'm afraid to hope, and have a feeling that this early hype may fizzle too early. If it truly is McCain v. Clinton, political analysts say that McCain will win. It is said that if Hillary runs, the only person who could beat her is McCain, and if McCain runs, he will beat everyone, including Hillary. But, of course this was before Obama was a consideration. (Wildcard!!!) So....we shall see!

Because without her, I am only revolutions of ruin

I read a book several months ago, called House of Leaves. I've tried to explain it to people who haven't read it, and I haven't done a very good job. It's by Mark Z. Danielewski. To try to explain it again, it's a book about a house that's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. Or, more specifically, it's a journal about a research document about a documentary about a family who lives in a house that's bigger on the inside than the outside. Which doesn't really make sense. Ok, there's the main "document" which is a critical analysis of a fictional movie called "The Navidson Record" which is a documentary about the Navidson family, who lives in a house that grows when they're not paying attention. But only on the inside. But, in addition to this document, there is a journal by a character named Johnny Truant, who finds this document in the house of a recently expired man named Zampano. Confused yet? I figured as much. Anyway, it's probably the most engaging and terrifying books that I've ever read. Danielewski defys convention in his writing style. Every time the word "house" appears in the book (in english or in any other language), it is in blue. Sometimes there are only one or two words on a page. Sometimes the words are upsidedown. Sometimes they spiral. It all serves to create this incredible feeling of claustrophobia while you're reading it.

Anyway, all of that was to tell you why I'm so excited for a new book. MZD released a new book in September called Only Revolutions (go here www.onlyrevolutions.com for a audio of a reading of part of the book.). I've never been this excited for a book before in my life. From what I hear, this new book is kind of like an epic poem. It is a love story between two characters named Sam and Hailey. Sam's story is on one side of the book, and to get Hailey's story, you have to flip the book over. Sam and Hailey, according to the dust jacket, are two perpetual sixteen year olds, perpetually living in summer, and moving through various historical events in history. The publisher reccomends reading eight pages of Sam's story, then flipping the book over and reading 8 pages of Hailey's story, and so on. Which sounds like a lot of work right? Right. But, I bet it'll be amazing. Anyway, that's where that title came from. It's a quote. So, hooray new book!

Wakka Wakka Wakka!

So, I'm an idiot. Or a klutz. Or something. I don't know. I have no coordination whatsoever. In fact, I've decided that I'm most like an excited muppet. You know how, when muppets get excited, their limbs flail about uncontrollably and they look kind of crazy in general? Yeah. That's me. Here's why: in the past two days, I've managed to get pretty major bruises in several places all over my body AND bruise someone else in the process.

On Wednesday, I was at work, at another boring stupid training session, and we were going to get our ID cards out of the supervisor's office. So, the sup's office is kind of long and skinny, and I was standing on one end. I grabbed a couple ID cards that I was going to bring to the people standing at the other end of the room. I turn around, and start walking, full force to the other end of the room. And I fail to percieve the big metal filing cabinet that's right in my way. So, I slam my right side as hard as possible into the filing cabinet. Now, I have bruises on my hip and ribs on that side. Smart.

Then, later that night, I went out with Court and some grad students from La Crosse for dinner and a comedy show. We got armbands to get into the comedy show, and apparently I thought my armband made me look punk rock. (Keep in mind that I had a margarita from Tequilas before we got to the comedy show, and there's a reason why that restaurant is called Tequilas...) So, because I felt like a punk, apparently, the most logical thing for me to do was to flail my fist around like a freak. I dont' know why, but it made complete sense to me at the time. Somehow, and I don't know how, Courtney's face got in the way of my fist. Or my fist got in the way of Courtney's face. Something like that. But, I ended up punching my best friend in the face, because I wanted to flail my fist around like a moron. Sarah = stupid.

BUT that's not the end, friends. Oh no. Of course I can't just stop there. It's the law of threes or something. So, the next day, Thursday (yesterday), I was back at Chileda for another stupid dumb boring training session (as a quick sidenote, I realize that most of their new hires probably don't have experience with treatment centers like I do, but we seriously watched a half hour movie about how kids with autism have a hard time making friends. Umm, can we say self-apparent? "Self-apparent!" very good.) Anyway, Chileda, training...and then after the training session, another girl and I realized that it was payday, and we had checks waiting for us at the front desk! Hooray! So, we waited in line and got our paychecks, and parted ways. I began walking towards my car, on the other side of the street. But, I was distracted by my paycheck. I am not a person that can walk and do other things at the same time. It's just not allowed. So, right as I got to the curb, an ant tripped me or something. Or my feet decided to both go at the same time. I don't know. Something ridiculous happened, and I fell. And of course, because I was holding on to my paycheck, I didn't put my hands out in time to catch myself. So, I ate pavement like a pro. Gravel in my hands and knee. Blood all over. It was pretty spectacular. Luckily (or maybe unluckily, since I just about passed out), there was no one around to witness my awe-inspiring dive to the asphalt, so after a second or two of trying to get my bearings back, I hobbled to my car and drove home, trying desparately not to bleed all over my car. So now, my knee is nice and swollen, and every so often, I get up the guts to pick another piece of gravel or tar out of my knee or hands. That hurts so bad.

You know, if you scan through my archives, you'll find a pretty similar story about a spectacular fall from about a year and a half ago from Alyssa's wedding day. Except that time, it wasn't my knee that sustained the most damage. That time I got some pretty awesome bruised ribs. Hooray me. I should just get one of those scooter thingys. What are they called? Oh, Segways. Yup. Can't trip when you're on one of those. But, I suppose you could fall off. And, I would most likely do so in the most spectacular and embarassing of ways.

Sarah's rules for not being a tool.

I was going to comment on a couple things that I read in the news today (1: Donald Rumsfeld = war criminal according to Germany, 2: Turkey is highly concerned with our politics...interesting), but instead I'm just going to make a proclamation. Are you ready? This is a good one. It has been declared! If you are a white mid-western college boy, and you wear your baseball cap in any way other than straight forward or straight back (i.e. to the side), YOU ARE A TOOL! You aren't cool. You look ridiculous. You look like you're trying too hard. The end. Do not wear your baseball cap like that. Also, minus more points to you if you're wearing your cap sideways AND you pop your polo shirt collar. That = double tool. Grrr.

Bittersweet victory

Well, dudes and she-dudes, the polls are closed, the majority of the results are in....and I'm divided on the results. The Dems have taken the House and have a pretty good chace of taking the Senate. I'm happy that our nation sees that we need a change from the current pile of bull that's happening. What this will mean for the 2008 election is a little nervewracking though. Historically, in mid-term elections, if the House/Senate changes hands from one party to another, often is the opposing party who wins the next presidential race. For example, after WWII, during Truman's first term as president, the Republicans took the House and Senate, and then, at the next presidential race, democratic Truman was reelected. So, the Dems need to be careful if they're hoping for a successful Clinton or Obama run in '08 (Obama, Obama, Obama....he's my guy).

As for state referendums, I can only express complete disappointment in our nation. So far, South Dakota is the only state that is showing much sense as far as gay marriage bans go. I don't understand how we can still be living with such intolerance. Not banning gay marriage does NOT mean that the government is going to go into churches and force pastors or priests to marry a gay couple against their will. That is up to those churches to decide. What is the legal reason for this?? There is no threat of a slippery slope! I do not think that not banning gay marriage will lead to incest, child/adult relationships, beastiality, or any of the other horrors that conservatives would have you believe that gay marriage leads to. There is a major difference between two consenting non-related adults, and an adult and a child, or an adult and an animal, or anything like that. I just don't understand how people make the logical jump from one to the other. As far as the "sanctity of marriage..." oh yeah, marriage is so sacred right now. Maybe we should be taking rights away from heterosexual couples who get divorced and then want to marry again. "You failed at this once, showing that you have no resepct for the sanctity of marriage...you're no longer allowed to get married." Or maybe we should outlaw adultery again. Because, you know, gay couples aren't as valid as heterosexual couples. What hypocracy. And by what definintion are gay couples not as valid? By the Bible? As far as I know, we're not supposed to base our laws on the Bible. This is supposed to be a tolerant nation that supports religious freedom. The Bible is not our law-book. And our founders weren't even Christian! They were Deist. So, all this talk of sticking to our Christian ideals is false rhetoric. The fight is not over. It is up to my generation to continue to advance tolerance.

A quick brag...

Ok, I realize that this is a 100 level class, and that I've taken a bazillion poli sci classes in the past, but I just got my mid-term exam back, and my professor wrote: "It is an exam like this that makes me excited about teaching." A complement regardless of what class it's in. Hooray :) that made me happy.

Everybody's working for the weekend...

...including me! Hooray! I've just been hired, FINALLY! It's taken FOREVER and a day for me to get a job. First of all, the stupid Family and Children's Center is stupid. Umm...ok that was the most profound thing I've ever said. And..um...I don't have a second of all. BUT, I do have a job! I think that replaces a second of all quite nicely.

The Chileda Institute just hired me today, to be a program assistant. The Chileda Institute is a residential treatment center here in La Crosse for kids and young adults with developmental disabilities. The majority of these kids are autistic, or have Asperger's. What I'm doing there is quite similar to what I did while I worked at the Ark. It's a lot of social skill building, crisis intervention, and day to day direct care. So, I'm pretty excited about it :). I've missed having an outlet for that "care-taking" part of myself since I left the Ark, so having some young'uns to take care of again will be therapeutic for me. Also, since I have a bit of experience in the residential center kind of work, the guy who hired me said that my chances for advancement within the company will be pretty good.

Anyway, I have a lot of crapola to do this week. So, I'll have to put off any further posting for a bit. Except maybe tomorrow after the election results come out. I'd be willing to bet that I'll have a thing or two to say about that. Maybe. Maybe not. Stay tuned :).